The Electric Mundanity of Mrs. Myrtle Standich

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich accepted an invitation for Ms. Theresa Kane’s graduation party yesterday. Ms. Theresa Kane had received a doctorate degree in creative writing from the University of Minnesota. The party began at two in the afternoon and lasted well beyond seven in the evening. That information, of course, comes second hand, as Mrs. Myrtle Standich left a little before three thirty in the afternoon.

The décor was of intellectual classiness. Miniature graduation caps and diplomas were placed throughout the Kane family garage and back yard. The color theme was purple, gold, and black. Ms. Theresa Kane was most polite and lovingly greeted each and every guest.

A rumor spread throughout the party that some of the guests were, in fact, of no relation by blood or friendship to Ms. Theresa Kane. This was rumor was started by Mrs. Ida Willaby-also in attendance and, it unfortunately requires noting, also on the guest list. Mrs. Ida Willaby came to this conclusion, she claimed, whence she did not recognize a group of younger people. An added piece of supposed evidence was the lack of introduction from Ms. Theresa Kane of these strangers. The rumor led to a reference to these supposed strangers as “crashers”.

The atmosphere could most certainly be described as tense. This tension only worsened when Mr. Walter Collier, also in attendance and on the guest list, found himself in an argument with the young “crashers”. The argument, Mr. Walter Collier would later recall, was over whether it made sense to make doctors of writers. Said Mr. Collier, “I only stated that doctors should be doctors and writer should be writers.” Mr. Walter Collier also added, “Why not say laureates? I’ve heard that before for writers and I am okay with that.” According to Mr. Walter Collier, this compromise went unheeded.

The growing tension let to the decision of an early exit for Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mrs. Ida Willaby, and Mr. Walter Collier. Ms. Theresa Kane gave a most gracious and appreciative hug and goodbye. Not a word was spoken about the possible strangers to Ms. Theresa Kane, as this would be in poor taste and all in presence cared for her much too much for an untimely faux pas.

Labels: , , , ,

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Flea Market And Auction

At ten fifteen in the morning, Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Tubbs picked up Mrs. Myrtle Standich and a generous and pleasant ride was had on the way to the Kalesburg Monday Flea Market And Auction on the corner of Hickory and Grand. Also at the auction were Mrs. Ida Willaby, Mr. and Mrs Henry Yamin, Mr. Walter Collier, and Ms. Allison Tuttle-though all came in seperate vehicles as Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Tubbs did not have enough seat belts available. A suggestion was made by Mrs. Ida Willaby that a van for the senior citizens of Kalesburg would be quite beneficial in getting them to the Kalesburg Monday Flea Market And Auction.

Mr. Walter Collier offered to speak to connections in the Kalesburg town hall about this idea as all agreed it would be beneficial. Ms. Allison Tuttle, however, warned that should someone purchase larger objects such as armoires or large chests, these would not fit in a van filled with senior citizens. Mrs. Henry Yamin added that she was not likely to purchase large pieces of furniture she had, on occasion, purchased more than a few dozen tomatos for canning. Also, that Mr. Henry Yamin sometimes purchased a large number of books even though, by her account, he had enough already-"some which he's never even read." Mr. Henry Yamin did not reply.

In these cases, another van may have to be purchased for the items bought from the Kalesburg Monday Flea Market And Auction. Mr. Walter Collier agreed to speak to his town hall contacts about the additional van. It was decided that if livestock were purchased, this would be the responsibility of the purchaser to take home and not of the hypothetical Kalesburg Senior Citizens Van Transportation. All in attendance stated that they would most likely purchase livestock but agreed that it was good to cover all bases.

Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


Mrs Myrtle Standich met Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse at her residence to see a new armoire, purchased by Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse. Mrs. Myrtle Standich commented that Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse had "good reason to be proud" of her selection. Five minutes of attribute displaying by Mrs. Gloria Rhinhouse and attribute examination by Mrs. Myrtle Standich followed. Once this had been accomplished a general opinion between the two was that tea would be adequate. Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse suggested the newly established Kalesburg Dunkin' Donuts, as she had been planning a visit for some time. A ten minute drive in Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse's brown Lincoln Town Car followed.

A most fortunate and surprising parking space was found close to the entrance door. Another surprise awaited inside as Mr. and Mrs. Harold Wagner could be seen through the large front window, visiting the Kalesburg Dunkin' Donuts along with their adolescent grandson. A hurried dialogue was conducted before entrance by both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse. The subject was the name of Mr. and Mrs. Wagner's grandson, whom both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse were aware of meeting previously. An attempt was made by Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse to leave, but Mr. Harold Wagner was quick to spot them and add the inevitable invitation inside.

A genial greeting was given by all. Said Mrs. Harold Wagner, "And you remember our grandson." Both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse nodded. It could also be noted that both felt the lack of reinstating her grandson's name was a most impolite challenge by Mrs. Harold Wagner. Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse left the table with promise to return after they ordered.

Earl Grey was ordered by Mrs. Myrtle Standich along with a croissant. Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse's ordered a lemon tea and a Bavarian Kreme Donut, an apparent Kalesburg Dunkin' Donuts delicacy. An air of unease could be felt between the two even as seats were taken at the table of Mr. and Mrs. Harold Wagner's choosing. Said Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse in a most hurried fashion, "your grandson reminds me of someone famous." Fifteen minutes of discussion was conducted by all excepting Mr. and Mrs. Harold Wagner's grandson about whom this celebrity could be. It was agreed upon after a suggestion by Mr. Harold Wagner that he resembled a young version of the acclaimed television actor, Mr. Michael Landon.

Pleasant conversation immediately followed in which the identity of Mr. and Mrs. Harold Wagner's grandson was never revealed nor was the topic even touched upon. Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse upon leaving made a pact to remember, in lieu of name, remember Mr. and Mrs. Harold Wagner's grandson for what he ordered, a bear claw and a medium-sized tropical fruit smoothie.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

The Third of July

Mrs. Myrtle Standich attended a Fouth of July fireworks display and extravaganza last night, Tuesday, July the third; in Kalesburg Park. In attendance were Mrs. Lisa Ferden, Mrs. Ida Willaby, Mr. Walter Collier, and the pairings of both Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin and Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Soloman; as well as many other notables from the Kalesburg community. Mayor Grant Dodds delivered a pleasant speech at seven o'clock in the evening. Though it was concluded that the speech was brilliant, it was also decided that it had been delivered premature as the sky would not darken until after nine o'clock.

The mistake left much room for chit chat, which the crowd eagerly used. This was also the case for the party earlier mentioned. Two hours certainly left plenty of room for topics, but the previously mentioned party was unable to move past their opening topic. The topic was why a fireworks display and extravanganza was being held on July the third and not July the fourth.

All in attendance were in most unanonymous agreement that there was no logical point. Mrs. Lisa Ferden said she understood the idea of delaying the day of celebration if the actual date fell on a weekday. Mrs. Iris Fountain cut in that she also understood this, but that it did not make sense, in reference to this year, to pick another weekday for the celebration. Mrs. Lisa Ferden agreed, adding that this was precisely the point she was making before Mrs. Iris Fountain interrupted.*

Mr. Bernard Soloman fervently argued that the Fourth of July should always be celebrated on only the Fourth of July. Mr. Bernard Soloman cited the historical fact that our forefathers did not refuse to liberate the country because they had to work the next day, adding that, "the least we could do is watch a darned firework display and extravaganza!"

Historical significance aside, Mr. Henry Yamin held issue with the semantics of the holiday. Said Mr. Henry Yamin, "If they are going to celebrate the holiday on July third, they should call it the Third of July. And if they're going to float the holiday around, they should stick to calling it Independence Day. That is all I am saying." True to his word, that was all Mr. Henry Yamin did say.

A vote was taken with the result being, once again unanonymous, that it was unpatriotic to carelessly shuffle our nation's holiday aside. An addendum was added by Mrs. Lisa Ferden and agreed upon that, in cases of the holiday falling on a weekday, it only made sense to celebrate the festivities on a weekend and not another weekday. A general agreement was also reached that the eventual fireworks display and extravanganza was enjoyable, but that it could have ended fifteen minutes earlier.

*A short apology was given at night's end by Mrs. Iris Fountain to Mrs. Lisa Ferden.