The Electric Mundanity of Mrs. Myrtle Standich

Monday, June 25, 2007

Sleeping In

Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Iris Fountain met for a late breakfast. Breakfast was served at Garret's. Mrs. Myrtle Standich ordered a spinach egg white omelette, whilst Mrs. Iris Fountain indulged herself in Belgian waffles. Orange juice was the drink of choice, followed by lightly sweetened sips of Earl Grey. Breakfast was served at noon, an hour more strongly suited towards lunch.

The tardiness in nutrition was due, in the most part, to Mrs. Iris Fountain's inability to wake at a reasonable breakfast hour. During the course of the discussion, various options were presented to Mrs. Iris Fountain by Mrs. Myrtle Standich and also by the kindly waitress, Ms. Kayla Chase, who offered advice when prompted by Mrs. Myrtle Standich. Included in the options were cutting back on afternoon naps, counting backwards from three hundred, reading books of extended length before bed, and also traditional methods like going to sleep at an earlier hour and setting an alarm clock.

Mrs. Iris Fountain predictably defended her so-called, "internal alarm clock." Mrs. Myrtle Standich agreed that Mrs. Iris Fountain's "internal alarm clock" had served her well in the past, but added, "once your internal alarm clock just stops, you can not change the battery." Said Ms. Kayla Chase, "There is no shame in needing an alarm clock." Both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Ms. Kayla Chase agreed that this was at least one of the blessed reasons electricity was made.

Mrs. Iris Fountain was moved to say that she would sincerely try to change her ways as she, too, wanted to keep the breakfast dates from leaking into lunch dates. The day was ended in a most sweet fashion by a decision from Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Iris Fountain to leave Ms. Kayla Chase a cash tip of almost eighteen percent.

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

New Release

Mrs. Myrtle Standich rendezvoused with Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse, Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Soloman, Mrs. Gwyneth Dice, Mrs. Lisa Ferden, and Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin. A pact had been made over four weeks ago to see a motion picture every other month. This decision was made in order to keep up with current trends in motion pictures.

A conversation was begun shortly after all in the party greeted each other. Mrs. Lisa Ferden began by stating that the last time she attended the movie theatre was to see the recreated version of Planet of the Apes with her grandson, Mr. Tyler Ferden. She did this in spite of not enjoying the original Planet of the Apes movie and went on recommendation of Mr. Tyler Ferden. Mrs. Myrtle Standich had not seen the recent version of Planet of the Apes, but did agree with Mrs. Lisa Ferden on the former motion picture even though she did enjoy Mr. Charlton Heston's performance in The Ten Commandments.

Mr. Bernard Soloman asserted that he was fond of both The Ten Commandments and Planet of the Apes, as was Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse and Mrs. Henry Yamin. All three claimed both motion pictures deserved classic status. Mrs. Henry Yamin stated that she was unsure of her feelings for Mr. Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes and could not give it classic status because she was also unsure of how the American public felt about the motion picture, Planet of the Apes. She cited that when her children, Mr. Dale Yamin and Mrs. Sara Yamin, had seen the film she could not tell if their frequent impressions of Mr. Charlton Heston were done in a patronizing fashion. All in the party agreed with this revelation of the public's uncertain view of Mr. Charlton Heston and also that the ape makeup looked very realistic.

The motion picture selected to be viewed this day was called Georgia Rule and starred Ms. Jane Fonda, Mrs. Felicity Huffman, and Ms. Lindsay Lohan. Georgia Rule, to the dismay of all present, was unanimously decided to be of a lower quality than The Ten Commandments. But, the party was split as to whether it was better or worse than the Mr. Charlton Heston version of Planet of the Apes.* Two in the party, Mr. Henry Yamin and Mrs. Bernard Soloman, felt they were equal in motion picture quality.

*At the time of press, only Mrs. Lisa Ferden had seen the newer version of Planet of the Apes.

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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Mobile Cellular Phone

Mrs. Myrtle Standich was picked up by Mr. Walter Collier at fifteen minutes past four yesterday afternoon. Also present was Mrs. Ida Willaby. The intention was to meet Ms. Alison Tuttle at an eatery of her choosing. Her choice was Chez Cafe, a french cafe that Ms. Alison Tuttle had been to once several years ago. The directions were given in haste. This, Mrs. Ida Willaby assumed, was done in a purposefully messy fashion so that Ms. Alison Tuttle could use her new mobile cellular phone. The news had spread that Mr. Walter Collier had also acquired a mobile cellular phone as a gift from his eldest son, Mr. Thomas Collier. Ms. Alison Tuttle thought it was best for the party in Mr. Walter Collier's car to call if more accurate directions were needed.

This proved the case nearly fifteen minutes into the trip. Mr. Walter Collier handed his mobile cellular phone to Mrs. Myrtle Standich with the request to talk in his place as he had not yet mastered the duality of driving and talking on the phone. Specific directions were given to Mrs. Myrtle Standich on the use of a mobile cellular phone. Upon the passing of five minutes, the phone was handed to Mrs. Ida Willaby who had once used her granddaughter's phone. This proved a wise decision as Mrs. Ida Willaby not only located, but also telephoned Ms. Alison Tuttle in under five minutes time.

The phone call proved to be resourceful, though Mr. Walter Collier had been traveling in the right direction. Mrs. Ida Willaby stated the whereabouts of the car, "On Derringer Road," with the added addition that the car was passing Thorndale Boulevard. Said Ms. Alison Tuttle, "Chez Cafe should be on the next block on your right." The genral opinion in the car was that these directions were said in order to defer an error in Ms. Alison Tuttle's directions. That is, if Chez Cafe had not been on the next block on the right, it would be through no fault of her own. It would, therefore, had to have been a phenomenon in either natural or municipal sense.

Though the directions proved to be right, the phrasing left Mr. Walter Collier, Mrs. Myrtle Standich, and Mrs. Ida Willaby amused throughout the meal. The meal itself was a most pleasant affair.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Parent and Teacher Meeting

Though Mrs. Myrtle Standich's could certainly say in all pride that all her children had graduated from high school, she still found time to attend the Kalesburg Public School System Parent and Teacher Association's meeting last night. This was due to the fact that Mrs. Myrtle Standich currenty had grandchildren in school and felt it of the utmost necessity that they remain there until they received their diplomas. After that, it was up to them to do what they wanted with their lives, though Mrs. Myrtle Standich hoped at least two would become doctors.

In attendance at the Kalesburg Public School System Parent and Teacher Association's meeting were Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Johnston Sr., Mrs. Myrtle Standich's son in law and daughter, respectively. Also in attendance was Mrs. Robert Standich, Mrs. Myrtle Standich's daughter in law. Greetings were initiated most affectionately. Mrs. Robert Standich explained that Mr. Robert Standich was feeling tired and was unable to attend. Mrs. Myrtle Standich nodded, though it could be stated that the actual feeling was not one of understanding, but rather one of disappointment. Mrs. Myrtle Standich stated in veiled fashion that it was best to rest once all children were out of the house. Though the entire party nodded, it was most obvious in their demeanor that they were not in complete commitment to the idea. This was proved soon after by Mrs. Kenneth Johnston Sr., who stated that it was just as important in child rearing to remain physically and mentally healthy.

The thought was interrupted by the scheduled start of the meeting. Kalesburg Public School's Superintendent, Mrs. Katherine McGill stood at the podium and delivered a rousing speech about improvements that needed to be made. All clapped and then stood in ovation. It could be felt throughout the audience that the standing was more out of habit than out of reaction to the speech, as the speech itself seemed nothing out of the ordinary Parent and Teacher Association canon of speeches. It was for this reason that though Mrs. Myrtle Standich did clap, she did not stand.

The meeting ended four minutes later than scheduled, with a large part of the meeting being taken up by speeches from teachers and Kalesburg Public school officials. Mrs. Myrtle Standich expressed midway through the desire to participate, such as to vote on an issue. And though, there was a short period where questions were welcomed, there would be no voting. The late ending of the meeting could be reason as to why the preceding conversation was never re-addressed. Mrs. Myrtle Standich did, however, later surmise that all opinions expressed made some sense. Also, Mrs. Myrtle Standich decided she would like to return to a Kalesburg Public School Parent and Teacher's Association meeting when a vote was recquired and not until then. The feeling was verbalised this morning to the families of Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Johnston Sr. and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Standich.

Monday, June 11, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich met for lunch yesterday at Griffin's Tavern with her granddaughter, Ms. Lisa Standich, age fifteen. Talk was steady and pleasant as Ms. Lisa Standich spoke of playing with the Kalesburg High School volleyball team this past school year and possibly trying out for the Kalesburg High School softball team the next school year. She also held a position as student council representative and was currently at the top of her class in grade point average. Mrs. Myrtle Standich expressed her pride on multiple occasions.

Lunch was served in the form of a croissant with added side of cottage cheese for Mrs. Myrtle Standich and a turkey club for Ms. Lisa Standich. Talk was light whilst eating, a polite action abided by both women.

Whence lunch was finished, Mrs. Myrtle Standich felt it a proper time to once again express her pride in Ms. Lisa Standich and also to inquire as to why a smart and pretty girl like Ms. Lisa Standich chose to wear such short skirts to school. Ms. Lisa Standich replied that it was the style. To this, Mrs. Myrtle Standich posed a question. The question was "If it was the style to jump off a bridge, would you?" Ms. Lisa Standich avoided the question by citing an alleged grammatical error. According to Ms. Lisa Standich, jumping off of a bridge would be a trend and not a style. Mrs. Myrtle Standich differed on opinion, feeling that style and trend were synonmous. She cited frequent crossword puzzles that used one to describe the other. This was denied once more by Ms. Lisa Standich.

Though Mrs. Myrtle Standich was indeed proud of Ms. Lisa Standich's assertiveness, it could also be stated that Mrs. Myrtle Standich was also slightly hurt by her granddaughter's stubborn refusal to believe her. This led Mrs. Myrtle Standich to challenge Ms. Lisa Standich to look up the two words in a thesaurus. Of course, this would have to be saved for another time as neither of them had a thesaurus and inquiries to the waitress revealed that the kitchen and waitstaff also did not have one.*

The conversation ended in a slightly awkward fashion with Mrs. Myrtle Standich paying for the bill and Ms. Lisa Standich stating that Mrs. Myrtle Standich "did not understand". But, a warm hug was given at the end and it could be assumed that all would be well.

*An important addendum:
Ms. Lisa Standich looked up both "style" and "trend" in Webster's Thesaurus that same night and, once finished, called Mrs. Myrtle Standich on the telephone with an apology that was both sincere and sweet.

Saturday, June 09, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich met Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin at Schmidt's Hardware. The scheduled time was to be eight thirty in the morning, for which Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin were four minutes late. But, as Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin were offering to help Mrs. Myrtle Standich, apologies were foregone. The project was repainting Mrs. Myrtle Standich's living room. Mrs. Henry Yamin had long been admired for her warm eye for colors. And Mr. Henry Yamin owned a pickup truck, which many assumed was a needless possession as Mr. Henry Yamin rarely partook in activities that would require a pickup truck, but which was certainly appreciated when needed.

Schmidt's Hardware had a large selection of paints, whose aisle was conveniently located near the front and next to the power tools. Mrs. Myrtle Standich was not prepared for this. She had grown distasteful of the fading gilded bronze color in her living, but had assumed that the choices would consists of a brown, a red, a green, and perhaps a tan. Mrs. Myrtle Standich had been prepared to select the tan in such a situation. In the event a tan was not available, the brown would have been selected. This, however, was not at all the case. Not only were there dozens of tans, browns, red, and greens, but there were also dozens of hue of colors that were nowhere near the rainbow. This was precisely why Mrs. Henry Yamin was needed.

A young employee, Mr. Jonathan Poole, offered assistance, but was as politely waved away by Mrs. Henry Yamin as one could possibly be waved away.

Mrs. Henry Yamin swayed Mrs. Myrtle Standich from selections of either tan or brown, with the claim that all rooms in Mrs. Myrtle Standich were "bland enough". Mrs. Henry Yamin advised a brighter hue, as a living room should be a warm place. Said Mrs. Henry Yamin, "a living room's walls should feel like a collection of campfires." Mr. Henry Yamin made an impromptu joke about feeling like a marshmallow. This was received by Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Henry Yamin as warm as a living room should make one feel.

With the counseling of Mrs. Henry Yamin, Mrs. Myrtle Standich selected a concoction of slight orange and yellow. Mrs. Henry Yamin seemed distasteful of this selection, but only said so after reading from the label of contents. She insisted that a friend of hers had once painted with the same color only to find out it contained a high dosage of lead. This was discovered only after three quarters of her family were poisoned. Mrs. Myrtle Standich could not find lead listed anywhere on the contents, but Mrs. Henry Yamin insisted that you can never be too careful. This was seconded by Mr. Henry Yamin.

Mrs. Henry Yamin directed Mrs. Myrtle Standich to shades of lavender and pink. These were much too festive for Mrs. Myrtle Standich's taste. Mrs. Henry Yamin insisted that it was time for a change in Mrs. Myrtle Standich's taste. Mr. Henry Yamin inaudibly seconded this charge. Mrs. Myrtle Standich could be described as flustered. Mr. Jonathan Poole was seen passing at the end of the aisle. Mrs. Myrtle Standich called for him, asking for a third opinion. This, Mr. Jonathan Poole gave in the form of a suggestion of a turquoise. This, he claimed was his grandmother's favorite color.

This third suggestion left Mrs. Myrtle Standich even more flustered. Eventually, it was decided to leave the living room as it was. Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin took seats in Mr. Henry Yamin's pickup and a decision was made to purchase ice cream sundaes instead of repainting.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich received an invitation via telephone Monday night for an outing the following afternoon. The invitation was given by Mrs. Hollis Plume. The preface and the meaning of this invitation were inspired by Mrs. Hollis Plume's renewed devotion to the sport of tennis after viewing a match on the television from The French Open. Mrs. Hollis Plume had, at one time, been a notable tennis standout at the Kalesburg Country Club.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich accepted the invitation with one caveat: that she would not play tennis. Mrs. Myrtle Standich had displayed poor athletic abilities in her youth and assumed that these only grew worse over time. Mrs. Myrtle Standich was more than happy to watch and suggested an invitation to Ms. Alison Tuttle, who had much time on her hands. This suggestion was taken and another invitation was extended to Mr. Walter Collier. Mr. Walter Collier was added by Mr. Hollis Plume to keep Mrs. Myrtle Standich company; even though Mrs. Myrtle Standich specifically stated that she would be fine on her own.

The time was set for the following Tuesday afternoon at two o'clock. Mrs. Hollis Plume acted as chauffeur, a sweet gesture on her part. Mrs. Hollis Plume admitted to an eagerness to get back on the court. This was apparent in her eyes. Ms. Alison Tuttle had little else to do with her time and, though she lacked the eagerness in her eyes, one could certainly say that she was thankful for the invitation.

Mrs. Hollis Plume provided both racquets and tennis balls as Ms. Alison Tuttle did not own either. Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mr. Walter Collier found a conveniently placed bench beside the court. Ms. Alison Tuttle began. After three attempts, she was able to serve the ball over the net properly. Mrs. Hollis Plume, however, was unable to connect racquet to ball and the ball rolled behind Mrs. Hollis Plum several feet before she was able to retrieve it. Said Mrs. Hollis Plume, "I seem to have gotten rusty."

This statement proved true of both women. The match was populated by, what Mr. Walter Collier called, "ugly lobs". Also, there was a heavy dose of, what Mr. Walter Collier labeled, "blind whiffs". Both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mr. Walter Collier agreed that, at match's end, it was hard to tell whether Mrs. Hollis Plume or Ms. Alison Tuttle had won. Though, from a spectator's point of view, both seemed to have lost. Said Mrs. Myrtle Standich, "Age seems to even out the playing field for us all."

Monday, June 04, 2007

Neighborly Reunion

Mrs. Myrtle Standich met for brunch with Mrs. Kathleen Munson. A span of six months had transgressed since their last meeting. Mrs. Kathleen Munson and Mrs. Myrtle Standich had, at that time, been neighbors. The restaurant chosen for the reunion was a most pleasant diner and bakery, Yancey's Bistro, owned and operated by Mr. Charles "Chuck" Yancey. Yancey's Bistro is conveniently located at the corner of Pine Street and Main Street.

Croissants and tea were ordered. Both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Kathleen Munson requested Earl Grey. Idle chat began as soon as the waitress left the table. The waitress' name, it should be noted, was unavailable at the time of press. This was due to the fact that she never introduced herself to either Mrs. Myrtle Standich or Mrs. Kathleen Munson. And one might assume that she went to extreme lengths in avoidance to do so. The preliminary moments of Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Kathleen Munson's chat concerned thoughts on the waitress' impoliteness, but soon covered typical reunion subjects as health, happiness, and church sermons.

Following these subjects, of which only predictable information was exchanged, came a pause of moderate length. The croissants and Earl Grey were enjoyed during this time. And, to some extent, their pleasant qualities made up for the coldness of the waitress.

The chat would not resume until a full fifteen minutes had passed. This could be attributed to the contagious chilly demeanor of the waitress or the idea that Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Kathleen Munson no longer had anything in common. It was decided that the former rather than the latter more than likely was the culprit. This sparked conversation that lasted well past the time when the waitress impolitely reached between Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Kathleen Munson and set the bill on the table. Both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Kathleen Munson came to express pity for the waitress, as most likely, this was the result of poor upbringing and no fault of her own. The afternoon ended pleasantly, with a mutual decision to decline to leave a tip save for a note expressing in detail why a tip was not left in hopes that the waitress would learn from her mistake. She was, after all, still very young.

Saturday, June 02, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich attended the Little League baseball game of her grandson, Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr., age twelve. Mr. Walter Collier and Mrs. Iris Fountain were also in attendance, as was Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Johnston Sr., the son in law and daugher (respectively) of Mrs. Myrtle Standich. Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr. was currently playing the right field for the Kalesburg Rangers, managed by Mr. Walter "Skip" Pane.

Conversation was begun in regard to Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr.'s athletic abilities. Mr. Kenneth Johnston Sr. stated that Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr. had displayed great improvement as of late and that he was learning not to be afraid of the baseball whilst batting. This led Mrs. Iris Fountain to comment that young children should play with a larger. This, she surmised, would put a drastic dent in the rate of children with blackened eyes. Mr. Kenneth Johnston Sr. remarked that they could not use a bigger ball because then they might as well play softball. Mrs. Iris Fountain and Mrs. Myrtle Standich, beyond the size of the ball, could not understand the difference between playing either.

There was little to talk for some time and little to watch, as the Kalesburg Rangers trudged through eight innings of decidedly mundane baseball. Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr. was observed playing with dandelions until Mr. Kenneth Johnston Sr. shouted from the bleachers that Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr. was not a gardener, he was "a right fielder". Mrs. Myrtle Standich, on the contrary, believed it to be positive that her grandson took an interest in the local vegetation. Mrs. Iris Fountain agreed. Said Mr. Kenneth Johnston Sr, "If we had a proper groundskeeper there wouldn't be any dandelions to distract these kids."

Mr. Walter Collier remembered when the baseball field was a corn field and, in an openly blunt manner, admitted that he wished it still was. Mrs. Iris Fountain suggested that Mr. Walter Collier write to the local politicians and ask that there be a comprise and the field be shared, "half corn and half baseball". Conversation ended just before the game when Mr. Walter Collier said that he would look into whom he had to contact for this compromise. Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Iris Fountain did not believe that Mr. Walter Collier would ever actually take the initiative, whilst Mr. and Mrs. Kenneth Johnston Jr. could not predict whether Mr. Walter Collier would take action or not because they did not know him well enough.

*Mr. Kenneth Johnston Jr. and the entire Kalesburg Rangers baseball team lost to the Pendelton Blue Jays with a score of twelve to one.