The Electric Mundanity of Mrs. Myrtle Standich

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The X Games

A town meeting was called on Tuesday night. The Kalesburg Community Council met at seven in the evening. Present were Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mr. Walter Collier, Ms. Allison Tuttle, Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin, Mr Walter Collier, and Mrs. Ida Willaby, among others. At hand, was the possibility of an event called the ESPN X Games being played in Kalesburg.

President Thomas Carr began by greeting and thanking all in attendance. He then stated that a petition had started in Kalesburg Senior High School to promote the city as a possible host to The ESPN X Games in a few years. President Thomas Carr, a man of respect, felt it necessary to bring this to the entire city of Kalesburg, as the decision would effect all in population.

President Thomas Carr next explained what The ESPN X Games entailed. He began by using a joking situation, saying:
"Do not worry. This could easily be confused as a game show, much like Jerry Springer, where people fight against their former spouses, their 'exes'. What this really is is a possibility for Kalesburg to create some additional revenue should you all approve of this."
During the joke, a general chuckle was heard throughout. Next, President Thomas Carr explained, in all seriousness, the kind of games the ESPN X Games really entailed. Some of these were skateboarding, skiing with ramps, bicycling with ramps, and street luging-which from pictures and a short video demonstration looked much like sledding down a paved road if your sled had wheels and you were lying down and looking up as your sled plummeted down the pavement, trying to avoid parked cars.

Some of the Kalesburg High School students spoke next. Mr. Tyson Browning, age sixteen, assured, "These athletes know what they are doing." Mr. Richard Engstrom, age nineteen and a senior, added, "It looks dangerous but it's not." Later, both would swear that it was safe. This seemed to go unheard by all except Mr. Henry Yamin, who said quite pointedly, "If it is safe, then let them go be safe in some other neighborhood!" This sentiment was felt throughout the auditorium, even after President Thomas Carr stated the large amount of revenue and press that this event would attract. Mrs. Ida Willaby answered, in what seemed the general opinion, that the revenue and exposure did not matter and that, "those X hoodlums are not welcome here."

The issue was soon tabled after threats of impeachment were shouted towards President Thomas Carr. Instead of The ESPN X Games, the Kalesburg community compromised and two of the parking spaces at Kalesburg Senior High will be converted into a skateboarding park come next spring.

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