The Electric Mundanity of Mrs. Myrtle Standich

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Conversation At Denny's

Mrs. Myrtle Standich met with Mrs. Lisa Ferden, Mr. and Mrs. George Granger, and Mr. Christopher Tyler at the local Denny's. Grand Slams were ordered by all but Mrs. Lisa Ferden who ordered Moons Over My Hammy. Mrs. Lisa Ferden claimed she was not supersticious and the only reason she orders Moons Over My Hammy every time she visits the local Denny's is that she really likes ham. It reminds her of her father, the late Mr. Ronald Brady, and his swine farm. Mr. Ronald Brady had upwards of fifteen swine at one time.

The topic of climate change and climate control was brought up by Mrs. George Granger. Mrs. Myrtle Standich quickly chimed in that it seemed more like temperature change and temperature control. Mr. George Granger countered that actually climate and temperature were pretty much the same thing, which would put both Mrs. George Granger and Mrs. Myrtle Standich in the right. But, Mrs. Lisa Ferden, while chewing on an obnoxious piece of ham, corrected the entire table, saying, "No, I think temperature is a measure of the warmth or coldness of an object or substance with reference to some standard value. While climate, I think, is the composite or generally prevailing weather conditions of a region, as temperature, air pressure, humidity, precipitation, sunshine, cloudiness, and winds, throughout the year, averaged over a series of years." This would make only one person right. Mrs. Myrtle Standich thought it was she. Mrs. George Granger felt it was she. And Mr. Christopher Tyler felt that climate control was a very important issue that should be looked into real soon.

All at the table wondered whether Mrs. Lisa Ferden would ever take a risk and try say a Meat Lover's Scramble. All but, Mrs. Lisa Ferden.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich attended a haiku reading at the Local Library yesterday afternoon. The program, Haiku Tuesdays, was started last month. It involves reading haikus every Tuesday afternoon from five pm to six pm. "The objective is to promote poetry awareness and, particularly, haiku awareness," the head librarian, Mrs. Carla Shoemaker said.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich enjoyed the cheese served before and during the reading. She said the brie was to die for and Mr. Harry Dean agreed by saying, "Let's hope it's not that good, though." A small giggle was had. And that was the most fun that was had the entire evening. The haikus, read by Mrs. Thelma Humes and Mr. David Runyan, lacked a thorough story said Mr. and Mrs. Sherman Tolk. And a glance around the room found that most of the audience was in agreement. At least three yawns were visible. Mrs. Janet Stern, Mr. Elliot Chisholm, and even Mrs. Carla Shoemaker were caught in the act.

Mrs. Thelma Hughes had a pristine voice, but she smirked the entire time, which was a distraction. Mr. Elliot Chisholm, on the other hand, lacked any sort of dynamic quality. His posture was weak and his voice was almost as high as Mrs. Thelma Hughes, which was a distraction. And Mrs. Myrtle Standich believed like Mr. Sherman Tolk that, poetry behind them, these two would be standup citizens.

It was also possible, Mr. Harry Dean cited, that the evening seemed so long because it started out so late to begin with. Or perhaps the length of time could be shortened. "An hour is a lot to give at such a late time of night. Nowadays, I'm in bed by seven," said Mrs. Sherman Tolk. The future of Haiku Tuesday is uncertain. But, no one could deny that the cheese choices were stellar.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Board Game Night

Mrs. Myrtle Standich attended an official gathering of the Board Game Club hosted at the residence of Mrs. Dorothy Lamour (of no relation to the famous screen star). Mrs. Ida Willaby, Mrs. Jillian Kirby, and Mrs. Immogene O'Reilly were also in attendance. The featured game of the night was Risk. The game lasted approximately five hours. It should be noted that Mrs. Ida Willaby left before the end of the game. She had complained of aching feet which was seen with little or no connection to the matter of playing a board game.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich controlled much of Asia at one point. She held Afghanistan China, India, Irkutsk, Kamchatka, Ural, and Yakutsk. She longed for countries of which the names she could pronounce and this became evident in her gameplay as she made many a move for the sunny, purple valleys of the Australian continent.

Mrs. Dorothy Lamour realized at one point how many times the Middle East, owned by Mrs. Jillian Kirby, fought or was forced to defend. She noted that it was frightening how real this simple board game was getting and moved for a lemonade break. After a short vote, a motion was passed to put down the artillery and drink some lemonade.

Polite chat was conducted and all laughed when Mrs. Immogene O'Reilly suggested substituting the houses and hotels of Monopoly with the traditional Risk army pieces. The laughter seemed too real, though. And it was decided after an awkward pause that Mrs. Immogene O'Reilly was right. The army pieces, shortly after, were removed and replaced by the Monopoly houses and the game was finished as more of a cross country vacation adventure.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Protest

Today was a banner day. A day of remembering what some of our forefathers fought and died for and what other forefathers fought and lived for. It was a day of protest. A substantial amount of people; including Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mr. Matthew Cuthbert, Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Ford, Mrs. Julia Peterson, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Wainwright, and Mr. Joseph Cornish; met on the corner of Main St. and Green Ave. and spoke up for what they believed. It was done as much for their rights as their children's and their grandchildren and for all the children to come. It was done for the future. When you believe whole-heartedly that something is wrong, it is the duty of all Americans to stand up and make their voices known. This is what the protestors did today. They paced back and forth and let the world know and to stop the tyranny.

Mr. Gordon Van Doyle of WYEK Channel 7 news arrived to interview a few of the protestors, including Mrs. Myrtle Standich. Mr. Gordon Van Doyle astutely asked, "Why is this so important to you?' To which Mrs. Myrtle Standich answered most assuredly, "When you feel that pang in your heart, when you know that your children may wake up in a more disturbed world, how can you leave it to fate? How can you leave it be? How can you look in the mirror and know that you let all of those children down?" A more passionate speech never was heard on the corner of Main and Green. And to the dismay of many, Mr. Gordon Van Doyle left after the first question and the footage was never used in the telecast. But this act was not done for fame. No recognition was needed. Their voices and signs would still be raised until Mr. Hopper's Grocery went back to selling milk in glass bottles.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Yard Sale

There are few who could deny that the yard sale orchestrated by Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop went on without a hitch. The yard sale opened promptly at 8 am and Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop could be found standing behind a table at exactly 8. Not a minute late. And both of their faces were bright with smiles. Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop were ready to sell their life away. The first customers didn't arrive until well after 8:10. This left almost ten minutes of anxiety. Said Mr. Winthrop, "We sure were nervous." Said Mrs. Winthrop, "We thought no one would come." But people did come. Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop estimated fifteen, in fact.

Treasures were found and smiles were found in those treasures. Mrs. Eileen Cassidy, for instance, found an ashtray. There were candlesticks and wrenches and quilts and old pictures and records and an array of wonderful artifacts. Some items were even unidentifiable. One could only describe a few pieces as something once shiny now covered in hard, blackened oil residue. These were only a nickel, though.

And, of course, there was bargaining. Mr. Jerome Needlemeyer talked the Winthrops down from thirty-five cents to a quarter and walked away with an almost brand-new cupboard handle. Mrs. Myrtle Standich enjoyed the conversation as much as the yard sale itself. And the best part was that the conversation and atmoshphere were free. So too was the lemonade that Mrs. Winthrop had made, which at first tasted freshly squeeze, but in actuality was just a heavily sugared powdered mix that you could buy at any grocery store or gas station.

Friends and family and old stuffed animals. There's no better way to spend a day.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

History Trip

A party consisting of Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mrs. Immogene O'Reilly, Mr. Frank Collins*, Mr. and Mrs. Harold Wagner, Mrs. Janet Keats, Mr. Roger Sherman, and Ms. Annette Potter attended the opening gala for The Kalesburg Modern History Museum. Mr. Harold Wagner snapped angrily before the party even entered the door, "Modern history is an oxymoron. Everything in a museum should have been dead for at least fifty years. I'll not have people looking at pictures of World War II until I'm good and dead." Mr. Harold Wagner was in the Navy Seabees in the second World War. Mrs. Harold Wagner casually slipped Mr. Harold Wagner his medication and he seemed happily sedate the rest of the day. Mrs. Janet Keats, Mr. Roger Sherman, and Mrs. Myrtle Standich all agreed that the 'Toaster Through The Years' exhibit was the most pleasant and interesting. While Mrs. Immogene O'Reilly argued that the 'Penny Loafer Display' was the most informative and touching, owing to the eerie fact that we all knew someone who wore penny loafers. Mr. Roger Sherman also served in World War II and even thought about reenlisting for the Korean War. After the walkthrough, wine and cheese was served as Mr. Daniel Tucker, curator of The Kalesburg Modern History Museum spoke. Mr. Harold Wagner, upon hearing Mr. Daniel Tucker's young voice, temporarily snapped out of heavenly sedation, spouting forth, "Museum curators should have to be at least sixty-five years old! Otherwise, what do you know about anything?" Blessed be, this was muffled by applause. The speech lasted an alarming length of twenty-five minutes, thirty-two seconds. Much was learned, but many slept at the ten minute mark. The ride home was filled with visions of modern history and it would not be preposterous to assume that modern history stayed with us for at least two weeks following.

*Mr. Frank Collins also served in World War II.