The Electric Mundanity of Mrs. Myrtle Standich

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A Touch Of The Flu

On Monday, June 20th 2011, Mrs. Myrtle Standich came down with an alleged case of the flu. The symptoms were a very small fever, a tender throat, and slight nasal congestion. Mrs. Ida Willaby arrived at the home of Mrs. Myrtle Standich a few minutes after ten o'clock in the morning after telephoning Mrs. Myrtle Standich and hearing of her malady. Mrs. Ida Willaby carried with her a bag of supplies for treating the ill. The visit, it should be noted, was conducted despite objections from Mrs. Myrtle Standich, who had stated, "It is not like I have small pox, Ida." The comment was said with only slight humor and certainly not in disrespect for those who have suffered from small pox. Mrs. Ida Willaby can be quoted as having replied with, "Nonsense."

A mere five minutes after Mrs. Ida Willaby's arrival, another arrival arrived. That arrival was Mr. David Standich, Mrs. Myrtle Standich's son, age forty-six. Mr. David Standich had been prompted by Mrs. Ida Willaby about Mrs. Myrtle Standich's malady and used one of his sick days from work to tend to Mrs. Myrtle Standich.* Mr. David Standich carried with himself a bag of supplies for treating the ill. Of note: there were now two bags of supplies for treating the ill in Mrs. Myrtle Standich's residence. Mrs. Myrtle Standich again objected, stating this time that Mrs. Myrtle Standich, "did not have typhoid." That comment was said with less humor than the small pox comment of previous. But, it should be noted that there was certainly more guilt after the comment was made for typhoid sufferers and their families.

Mr. David Standich led Mrs. Myrtle Standich to her bed and did tuck her in comfortably. Chicken soup was made and, though Mr. David Standich claimed it was home-made, Mrs. Myrtle Standich was not too sick to know that it was indeed of the canned variety. The yellow film along the sides of the bowl betrayed the ruse as did Mrs. Ida Willaby who could be sited on countless occasions as unable to be dishonest-even in cases where dishonesty could be excused.

And, though those visits were certainly unnecessary, it could also be stated by Mrs. Myrtle Standich that they were, in the end, appreciated.

*Mr. David Standich has worked proudly for the Kalesburg City Tree and Road Department for over twenty years.

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Thursday, June 02, 2011

A Pleasant Meal

Mrs. Myrtle Standich met with Mr. Walter Collier and Mrs. Ida Willaby at the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin. A simple dinner was planned. The attire was casual. Mr. Walter Collier and Mr. Henry Yamin both wore sensible suit jackets and ties with matching slacks. Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mrs. Ida Willaby, and Mrs. Henry Yamin all chose sensible dresses. Of these dresses, Mrs. Ida Willaby's and Mrs. Henry Yamin's pattern choices were of the floral variety, whilst Mrs. Myrtle Standich's pattern was of tropical birds. Though this could be described as uncomfortable, Mrs. Myrtle Standich could be said to have made the best of the situation and even to have carried it off with minor grace.

Dinner was served at five o'clock and consisted of a pleasant salad of assorted greens and a roast beef of particular renown to all present which was served with a dollop of mashed potatoes. After dinner a most sincere portion of vanilla ice cream was enjoyed by all. Warm Earl Grey and Chamomile teas were served after dessert.

Conversation consisted of a reasonable observation of both weather and property prices by Mr. Henry Yamin just before the serving of salad. This was followed by a refreshing commentary on gardening tips by Mrs. Ida Willaby, no doubt inspired by the pleasant salad. With ice cream, came cordial chat of family whereabouts, which could certainly have been said to have warmed the hearts and chilled, in simultaneous fashion, all that were present. And in closing, with the surprise of multiple choices in tea, came the most appropriately surprising and lively dialogue about how the sport of boxing has never had a champion or a character as entertaining as Cassius Clay or Muhammad Ali, whom Mrs. Henry Yamin and Mr. Walter Collier clarified was the same person.

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

Kind Fall Samaritan

As fall continues, the leaves in Kalesburg have once again turned their autumnal shades of orange, brown, and yellow. They have fallen and the lawns have received their pre-winter covering.

This entry comes as a written thank you to the young man who assisted Mrs. Myrtle Standich and various neighbors; including Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Erickson, Mrs. Theda Barry, Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin, and Mrs. Ida Willaby to name a few; with the raking. This young samaritan appeared on Longview Road with a rake and a willingness to help for only a cost of five dollars even.

Mrs. Theda Barry states, even at the time of press, that he must have been an angel. Mr. Oliver Erickson, however, believes the contrary; that he was and most certainly is currently just a "nice boy". For evidence, he stated that an angel would have worked for free. Though the intention was for humor, Mrs. Myrtle Standich does believe that it was really only said in half-jest form. Mr. Oliver Erickson also stated that no angels are named Ricky, which was the name of the boy. Mr. Ricky Cole is his full name and a reasonable estimation at the time of press would be that Mr. Ricky Cole was between ten and twelve years of age.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich, among others, did offer Mr. Ricky Cole a glass of lemonade during and after Mr. Ricky Cole the lawn. Mr. Ricky Cole was properly schooled by his parents and was unable to accept the offering. Mr. Ricky Cole stated that he did not know Mrs. Myrtle Standich well enough. This same occurence occured to Mrs. Theda Barry, Mrs. Ida Willaby, Mrs. Henry Yamin, and Mrs. Oliver Erickson.

All whose yards were raked are most thankful to Mr. Ricky Cole and would like that to be stated in print. Also commendable is Mr. Ricky Cole's obedience to safety rules about strangers. But, Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mrs. Theda Barry, Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin, Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Erickson and Mrs. Ida Willaby would like to state in this publication that should Mr. Ricky Cole or future good samaritans of his kind ilk care to do lawnwork, that all stated above are of civil and kind nature. Mr. Ricky Cole, you can rest assured that should lemonade be served by any of the above list, this lemonade is of the purest form and will not have been tampered with in any manner.

Also, here, for the convenience and review of you and your kindly parents is a partial list of others who wish only to offer you the refreshment of non-tampered-with lemonade and/or cookies. All listed can be personally vouched for by Mrs. Myrtle Standich:
(In alphabetical order by last name.)
Mr. Walter Collier
Mr. Frank Collins
Mrs. Gwyneth Dice
Mrs. Marta Doyle
Mrs. Lisa Ferden
Mrs. Iris Fountain
Mr. Sherman Grotski
Mrs. Helen Gruben
Mr. and Mrs. Howard Kennedy
Mrs. Jillian Kirby
Mrs. Dorothy Lamour*
Father David Randolph
Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse
Mr. and Mrs. Luther Tate
Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Tubbs
Ms. Allison Tuttle
Mr. Frank Wyland
Mrs. Janet Wyman

*Of no relation to the famous motion picture star of the same name.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Halloween Decor

Saint Luke's Volunteer Committee met last evening to discuss an issue brought up by several parishioners over the past week. The issue, whether or not Saint Luke's should decorate for Halloween, may seem familiar as it was brought up for discussion last year and the also the previous year.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich suggested just decorating with pumpkins and cornstalks to which Mr. Larry Grange immediately asserted that a possible scarecrow wouldn't be a bad idea. All in attendance nodded. Said Mrs. Rachel Todd, "You know what we could do?" Several minutes passed as Mrs. Rachel Todd waited for a verbal response before Mrs. Rachel Todd answered, "If we have a Scarecrow already, we can add a Tinman, a Lion, and maybe a Dorothy from the movie, The Wizard of Oz. We could even have the youth group dress up like the characters. I am sure they would enjoy that. It would be just like the live nativity at Christmas." All in attendance agreed that it would be like the nativity at Christmas. All in attendance also agreed that the live Halloween scene should end earlier on school nights than on the weekends.

A general excitement was felt throughout all in attendance as all present had seen and enjoyed the motion picture, The Wizard of Oz. Mrs. Myrtle Standich even noted that Father David Randolph had smiled before excusing himself early.

Talk was made of a possible way to make a temporary Yellow Brick Road and also if children in the elementary (Between the ages of five and twelve.) could rotate as Munchkin characters from the movie, The Wizard of Oz. The mood could be notated as one of tremendous exuberance for upwards of fifteen minutes. Mr. Larry Grange broke in after this exuberance with the addition that, with it being Halloween, maybe one of the youths in youth ministry could dress up as the Wicked Witch of the West.

With this suggestion, it could be duly noted that the mood changed. Mr. Gary Martin quelled the suggestion of the Wicked Witch of the West by reminding all in attendance that witches were not endorsed by the Catholic church. Mrs. Rachel Todd countered this opinion by adding that neither was the Wizard of Oz or any other wizards. But, all in attendance agreed that it would be nice to decorate in some way and that a new way of decorating would be a welcome addition to Saint Luke's.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich suggested setting up the live Halloween scene in the parking lot away from the front lawn of Saint Luke's. This idea was quickly tabled as fear arose that someone and possibly someone in attendance would not have a parking place for mass.

A decision was made by a majority of those present not to decorate in a new way. But instead, to decorate with pumpkins and cornstalks which could be considered Halloween and not Halloween at the same time, so as not to offend anyone.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Minnesota Twins Professional Baseball Game

Yesterday, the Kalesburg Senior Citizens Club made a venture out to see the Minnesota Twins of Major League Baseball play against the Rangers from Texas. In attendance were Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mrs. Lisa Ferden, Mr. Walter Collier, Mr. and Mrs. Howard Kennedy, Mr. and Mrs. Luther Tate, Mr. Frank Wyland, and Ms. Allison Tuttle, among others. It was decided in the morning that the weather was optimal for a grand ballgame. Most in the party even wore Minnesota Twins baseball caps in support of the home team, the Minnesota Twins. Mr. Frank Wyland had a Minnesota Twins pennant.*

Mrs. Lisa Ferden had previously won free tickets to a Minnesota Twins professional baseball game, but had foregone this option as the Kalesburg Senior Citizens Club had purchased the tickets for all in the party. The professional game was splendid. A particular favorite was the Middle Outfielder, Torii Hunter, who was admired as much for his professional playing as for the peculiar spelling of his first name.

There was many a reason to cheer, though it was hard to stand and cheer. It would not hurt for the rows to have more room for such a thing. Regardless, the Minnesota Twins won with a score of four points to the Texas Rangers' two points.

The only other con in this atmosphere of pros was that the food was a little on the expensive side. Mrs. Howard Kennedy remarked that she could have had eight hot dogs for the price she paid for one. Mr. Howard Kennedy added that all in attendance should save their receipts. If the entire stadium did so, it may be enough for a court case to lower these extravagant prices. Said Mrs. Myrtle Standich pointedly, "Walking vendors do not have portable receipt machines." This argument was soon tabled and a compromise was met that perhaps the next game, the Kalesburg Senior Citizens Club could cover the cost of hot dogs as well.

*Mr. Frank Wyland spontaneously purchased another pennant before leaving the stadium.

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Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Email Issues

Mrs. Myrtle Standich invited a group of people to her home last night for an emergency gathering. In attendance were Mr. Walter Collier, Mrs. Ida Willaby, Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin, Ms. Allison Tuttle, Mrs. Iris Fountain, Mr. and Mrs. Howard Kennedy, Mrs. Janet Wyman, Mrs. Lisa Ferden, Mrs. Gloria Rhinehouse, Mrs. Helen Gruben, Mrs. Marta Doyle, Mrs. Jillian Kirby, and Mrs. Gwyneth Dice. *Mrs. Dorothy Lamour was invited but could not attend because of the late notice.

The meeting was in relation to a recent problem Mrs. Myrtle Standich was having in regard to emails that contained deragatory content and phrasing. Mrs. Ida Willaby had also experienced these emails which clarified a theory of Mrs. Myrtle Standich's that there was another Mrs. Myrtle Standich who enjoyed these sorts of messages. Mr. Howard Kennedy remarked that this was why no one should use the internet "unless they are perverts". Many at the meeting stated, at this point, that they used the internet from time to time and not for deragatory purposes. Mr. Howard Kennedy refrained from comments after that point.

Mrs. Gwyneth Dice was the first to refer to this as a Kalesburg crisis and Mr. Walter Collier added that it was spreading fast and that something should be done about it. Mrs. Janet Wyman had even heard from her niece in Colorado that similar problems occured there with the email and internet.
A petition was written by all present last night. A copy of the petition is written below:
To whom it may concern,
We citizens of Kalesburg would not like to be bothered by pornographic content and/or deragatory content of any kind. It is our suggestion that a separate internet be made for such purposes. And, if this separate internet can not be made, we citizens of Kalesburg are open to other options, in understanding that freedom of speech and press are a necessary right and a good one at that. Otherwise, we shall have to refrain from the internet all together.

The petition will be brought to the next Kalesburg Community Awareness meeting to be viewed by all residents.

*Of no relation to the screen star of the same name.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


Mrs. Myrtle Standich attended, upon invite, a polka event hosted by Mr. Sherman Grotski at Kalesburg Square. This polka event was one of two presented each month by Mr. Sherman Grotski and his organization, Brats And Dance Polka Productions. Said Mr. Sherman Grotski, "We tend to have the dances at the Kalesburg Volunteer Fire Department Hall, but sometimes, like this week, when the weather's nice we like to have it outdoors here in the square. Once we had it in my backyard even. Any way we can do it, we do it." This is certainly reassuring for anyone who likes polka.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich arrived at five o'clock in the afternoon with Mrs. Lisa Ferden, Ms. Allison Tuttle, Mr. Frank Collins, Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Tubbs, Mr. Walter Collier, and Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin. All in this party arrived promptly at five o'clock excluding Ms. Allison Tuttle who arrived ten minutes past the hour.

The polka music was already playing when the Ms. Allison Tuttle strolled in ten minutes late. This left ten minutes less of dancing and experiencing polka, said Mrs. Lisa Ferden. Most in the party agreed, but few were so verbal about it. Mr. Sherman Grotski's enthusiasm for polka was shared by all in attendance. Many danced in the grass in front of the pavillion where the band played. Mrs. Myrtle Standich felt this to be contagious, though harmelessly so.

Teenagers were even dancing. Mr. Walter Collier challenged, "We can't let those young upstarts show us up. Let us dance!" This challenge was met by Mrs. Lisa Ferden, Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mr. Frank Collins, Mr. Walter Collier, Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Tubbs, and Mr. and Mrs. Henry Yamin. Said Mrs. Lisa Ferden, "Polka could unite us all." Indeed, that was certainly felt by all except Mrs. Allison Tuttle who was offered a dance from none other than Mr. Sherman Grotski, but could not be moved from her wooden folding chair for fear of "grass-staining" her good shoes.

Said Mr. Sherman Grotski, "What's polka without grass stain?" And, though some may have known the answer to such a question, not one spoke. Instead, everyone danced.