Post Office

Mrs. Myrtle Standich met Mrs. Dorothy Lamour* at the Kalesburg United States Postal Service. The meeting would be best described as impromptu, as a timely call placed by Mrs. Myrtle Standich to Mrs. Dorothy Lamour earlier that morning had discovered that both intended on mailing a letter in the afternoon. The meeting time was set at 2:15 pm.

A cordial greeting was given by both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Dorothy Lamour who had not seen each other since last Sunday's mass. Once inside, they were met by a young Mr. Jeremy Green and Kalesburg Post Master, Mrs. Maryanne Drebin. Mrs. Maryanne Drebin carried on a simple but pleasant conversation but excused herself abruptly as she said had work to do in the back room. Mrs. Myrtle Standich spoke first to Mr. Jeremy Green, asking most politely for a first class stamp. Mr. Jeremy Green was quick to produce the stamp and asked for thiry-nine cents. Mrs. Myrtle Standich stepped back one step and said confused but still politely, "I thought it was thirty-five cents." Mr. Jeremy Green explained that the price had been raised and that come this Monday the price would be raised again to forty-one cents. Mrs. Dorothy Lamour was visibly outraged, proclaiming, "This is an outrage."

Mr. Jeremy Green apologized in a youthful tone, saying that he did not make the rules. Mrs. Myrtle Standich could not produce the four pennies necessary to pay for the stamp. Asking Mrs. Dorothy Lamour for the needed four cents proved futile, as Mrs. Dorothy Lamour was demanding to see who was in charge. Mr. Jeremy Green then explained that the United States Post Master General was not available. Mrs. Dorothy Lamour refused to pay, saying (quote), "We are American citizens. I voted. We both voted. And I will not pay forty-one cents for a stamp. I did not vote for that."(quote) Mr. Jeremy Green politely reminded that it was not necessary to pay forty-one cents until Monday and then in a generous surprise, volunteered to pay the extra eight cents for both Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Dorothy Lamour's troubles, apologizing a second time for the inconvenience.

Mrs. Myrtle Standich was thankful and pleased as was Mrs. Dorothy Lamour. Mrs. Dorothy Lamour then requested a Bob Hope stamp. Mr. Jeremy Green, disheartened, said, "We do not carry Bob Hope stamps. I am sorry." He explained that the Kalesburg United States Post Office was currently only carrying wild birds of America stamps. Mrs. Dorothy Lamour was once more outraged, bringing up the point that she could see wild birds of America any day, but that was not the case with the great American comedian and entertainer, Bob Hope. She added that she would not pay forty-one cents for a stamp of American wild birds when what she really wanted was a Bob Hope stamp. She then demanded her letter back and pointedly threatened to deliver it herself.

Mr. Jeremy Green, at this point, showed the first signs of agitation. Mrs. Myrtle did her best to quell the situation, offering the idea that, "a good stamp idea would be one of just ordinary Americans. For instance, their could be a Mrs. Myrtle Standich stamp. Or a Mrs. Dorothy Lamour Stamp. Or a Mr. Jeremy Green stamp." Mrs. Dorothy Lamour and Mr. Jeremy Green both agreed this was, in fact, a good idea. The mood calmed with this agreement, although Mrs. Dorothy Lamour still held true to her threat of delivering her letter on her own. As Mrs. Myrtle Standich and Mrs. Dorothy Lamour turned towards the exit, Mrs. Dorothy Lamour requested that Mr. Jeremy Green see what he could so about the ordinary Americans stamp. Mr. Jeremy Green ended the visit by saying he would try, but reminded Mrs. Dorothey Lamour in a manner that could be considered exasperated that he had little to do with the matter.

*Mrs. Dorothy Lamour is of no relation to the famous screen star of the same name.