Sunday Mass

Mrs. Myrtle Standich attended the Sunday service at Saint Lukes. The mass was exceptionally executed although Father David Randolph's sermon was not his best. This was widely thought and not a criticism without merit. Father David Randolph has recently been rumored to have embezzled a sizable amount from the Saint Lukes collection basket. It would come as no surprise if his conscious was suffering. These rumors have proved unfounded thus far. But, a brand new ruby red Subaru leaves plenty of doubt among the parishioners. And this past Sunday's offering reflected the lack of trust in nickels and dimes. Though, no formal unionizing had occured, it certainly looked that way. Every parishioner, even the most pious, rummaged in their pockets for loose change. No dollar bills this Sunday. Not one.

Mr. Gary Martin said after mass, "If Father was going to steal the Lord's money, he could have at least bought an American car!" To which Mr. Larry Grange responded, "I don't think God is either American of Japanese!" "What is he, then" Mr. Gary Martin demanded rather forcefully. Mr. Larry Grange answered, "He's in Heaven. That's what he is." Mr. Gary Martin was not satisfied with this response even though it brought tears to the eyes of two out of three of the parishioners present. Mr. Gary Martin stepped into his Ford pickup. He slammed the door, but not before letting everyone have another piece of his mind. Said Mr. Gary Martin, "Well, God better pick a side!"

The women gapsed and the men coughed in their hands uncomfortably. Mrs. Rachel Todd spoke for everyone when she said, "I've never seen someone get so worked up about cars." Mrs. Myrtle Standich ended the morning rendezvous outside Saint Lukes by saying something many of the parishioners had been thinking for quite a while now. Said Mrs. Myrtle Standich, "I wish there were more space between pews. It would make mass much more pleasant."