Natural History

Mrs. Myrtle Standich, Mrs. Iris Fountain, and Mr. Walter Collier met for a casual luncheon hosted by Mr. and Mrs Howard Kennedy. The luncheon followed a pleasant morning spent at the Kalesburg Natural History Museum. Dialogue was served at noon along with expertly warmed Earl Grey and homemade biscotti.

Conversation was, in Mrs. Myrtle Standich's opinion, tedious to begin. Opening thoughts were made by Mr. Howard Kennedy, noting that he enjoyed the igneous rock made available. Mrs. Howard Kennedy added that the sedimentary rock display was equally appealing while Mrs. Myrtle Standich remarked that she was surprised to learn so much about limestone. Nods were made by all at the table. These could best be described as tedious nods.

Mrs. Iris Fountain broke the ice at approximately fifteen minutes past the noon hour. She did this by mentioning the fossil collection and also the display of human evolution. Mrs. Iris Fountain noted that all of this was interesting, but much more interesting and, to her taste, much more believable, was a special radio program she had heard just the other night whilst tidying her kitchen. The program, she recalled, was presented by an eloquently versed scientist. The scientist, whose name was unavailable at the time of press, noted his extensive training. This training led him to conclude that dinosaur bones were merely normal lizard bones which time and natural gases in the Earth's crust had fossilized and expanded.

Mrs. Iris Fountain was further able to support her story by stating that said scientist was working with a large number of other scientists, all of whose names were unavailable at press time. Through rigorous testing by these scientists, a unanimous decision was achieved in full support of the theory. Mr. Walter Collier also added that it is reasonable to assume that pollution and nuclear after-effects could also have played a role in large mutations.

Mr. and Mrs. Howard Kennedy furtively disagreed. In a joint statement they claimed that this could not be the case otherwise other animal bones would also mutate. Mrs. Myrtle Standich agreed and asked of Mrs. Iris Fountain why only apelike human skeletons were found and not giant human fossils. Mr. Walter Collier, once again, offered his advice on nuclear effects, stating that nuclear power was unpredictable and the likelihood of apelike mutations was just as possible as the likelihood of giant mutations. Mrs. Iris Fountain added that there could very well be giant human skeletons. But, if the government knew of these, they would most likely hide the issue, so as not to misinform and alarm the general public.

This could not be refuted by the available party, as no one in the present company had at any time been employed by the government. Mr. and Mrs. Howard Kennedy did add, however, that no one in the present company had at any time ever lived in the prehistoric ages, either-even as ancient as everyone may feel. This well-timed joke was taken with good humor by all and the general feeling of the day was one of separate, but content sides.